


Welcoming Insanity

by jesiijayy



Category: Asking Alexandria, Ben Bruce - Fandom
Genre: Ben Bruce - Freeform, Drama, F/M, Fanfic, Insanity, Love, Psych Ward
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-08 23:16:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesiijayy/pseuds/jesiijayy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lydia Taylor has been battling some personal issues for a long time now, but one day she was ready to raise that white flag. She was sent to the Morte Et Dabo psychiatric hospital in the sunny state of Arizona. She meets a great new group of friends while shes there. Lydia feels as if she wont make it through this, battling her inner thoughts can her new group of friends save her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lydia Taylor

**Author's Note:**

> ***TRIGGER WARNING*** Some factors of this fic may be triggering. Please read with extreme cation if you have or had experienced any factors of self harm or depression.  
> ***Also*** Each chapter is written in a different characters point of view. Because of this, some times throughout the story a chapter may cover a time that was already covered in a different point of view so please be aware of what is going on in the chapter.

~

I had never really thought I was that great of a person. I've never had a boyfriend or any boy show interest in me, no ones ever complemented me on my looks or clothes, I'm just not pretty. That's part of why I did it honestly, I wanted to see if anyone cared. Turns out no one did. Not even my family.

The last thing I remember is laying down in my bathtub, all my clothes on, water running, the door locked. I had everything I needed; Razor in one hand, bottle of pills in the other. I had been planning this for a while, I had everything timed right. My mom had just left and dad wouldn't be home for another hour or so. Casing the bottle of assorted pills with a bottle of vodka began my plan. Mindlessly I started carving up my arm. With the water running and my door closed I couldn't hear anything that happened outside of my room. I didn't hear my mother come back into the house. She must have come back in to tell me something because she was coming into my room, I heard her open my bedroom door and walk towards the bathroom door.

I was having a hard time breathing and keeping my eyes open. I felt the water coming up to my chin as she turned the door nob. Good thing I locked it. I thought I was the only one that knew how to unlock the door, turns out mom knew also. I heard her unlock the door but I was already under the water. I heard her scream. That was the last thing I heard.

I thought I was dead, I wasn't sure what death was like but I assumed it was just like this. I wasn't cold, I wasn't flying up to heaven or down to hell, I didn't know what to think. Until I opened my eyes and I was starring at the face of a doctor and two nurses. My head was pounding when I first woke up, probably from the vodka. I remember thinking, 'God, I'm going to be so grounded' as I looked over to see my mother’s disappointed face. Then I fell back asleep and now I'm here. They moved me out of ICU. My mother hasn't said a word to me yet.

I heard a knock on the door, "Come in?" I replied puzzled. The nurses normally just popped their heads in and I have no friends.

"Hey," My mom said as she walked into my room, "Can we talk?" she asked as she sat down in the chair next to my bed.

"Um, sure?"

"It was really stupid and selfish of you to do that you know." She said in her stern voice.

Looking right through her, I had no intentions of fighting with her, "Well it wouldn't have been if I would have actually succeeded."

"You're going to be going to a psychiatric hospital in a few days." My mom said as she started to get up. "There will be a taxi to pick you up. I packed you a bag."

"So you're just leaving me?" I snapped back at her.

"Yes. We can't handle this. We can't handle you." She left the room without another word.

I hate her with a burning passion really. She's pretty much dumping me off at some strange place she won’t ever step foot in. She's using this as a way to get me out of her hair.

I woke up the next morning to one of the doctors telling me that I am leaving this afternoon. I was allowed to take a shower and get ready by myself which was great, I didn't have a nurse sitting there the whole time.

After I got ready it was already noon, the taxi was going to be here at 1pm. What was I suppose to do for another hour? I went down to the cafeteria and got some food. I didn't eat any of it because hospital food is literally the worst. One of my nurses came and found me after a bit to tell me the taxi was here. As I walked up to the doors, my nurse carrying my bag for me, I turned to her, "I'm really scared. I don't know what to expect."

"You'll be fine sweetie. Don't think to much about it okay." She said in a comforting voice. That really doesn't make me feel any better. We walked to the taxi and she put my bag in the back seat and hugged me. "Be careful okay."

"Okay." I said quickly as I hugged her back. She let me go and as I was getting into the back seat she waved to me. I must have fallen asleep in the taxi because I woke up to a car door shutting and I was at the new hospital. I got out of the car and thus began my new adventure of welcoming insanity.

Walking up the stairs I'm greeted by a security officer. He opens the door for me and I walk in seeing big white brick walls surrounding me and a desk. "Hello, I'm Lydia Taylor. My mom said I was coming here today." I spoke timidly.

"Yes, yes. I know who you are. Follow me." The lady at the desk got up and opened a door. I followed her because honestly, she scares me a little. When she walks her fat hips moved side to side like a bell when she walked. As we were walking I couldn't help but hear bell sounds every time she took a step. "This is doctor Alexander, he is the head of this facility and will be meeting with you once a week." She said as she led me into an office and shut the door behind me.

"Hello Lydia," the doctor said as he was extending a hand out towards me to shake. "How are you today?"

Taking his hand and giving it a light shake and answered, "I'm good."

"That's good!" He exclaimed, "I'm going to select a patient to give you a tour of the parts of the building you're allowed to go to. Right now let's go settle you into your room." He led me out into the hallway and opened a door. There were guards at every door way, it was weird. As we walk down the long hallway filled with doors I couldn't help but look into the rooms. There are so many people here that look so much worse than me. Then the doctor took an abrupt turn into a door way, "This is your room. Someone will be down here shortly to show you around. If you ever need to see me all you have to do is tell one of the nurses." He turned to walk out the door then disappeared in the long hallway.

I feel so alone.


	2. Warren Fare

~

I can’t believe I have to show this girl around. This isn’t middle school; she doesn’t need a tour of the building by an ‘outstanding and good patient’. Doctor Alexander asked me to show her around and look out for her because he thinks I’m a good and trusting patient and he thinks I am a good candidate for this. It took all I had to not argue this whole idea of showing her around. I didn’t get a tour. I didn’t get the chance to make a friend my first day. I went months without a friend.

            Crap, what room did he say I had to go to? I can’t remember. I tried to peak into rooms to see if there was someone who looked new. Getting tired of this I stopped, looking for a nurse to ask about the new girl. As I turned to find a nurse I turned into a doorway and ended up face to face with the deepest, saddest eyes I’ve seen in a while.

            “Uh, sorry,” I stuttered out, “um, are you uh, L-Lydia?” What is wrong with me? I never stutter.

            “Yeah, you must be my great and fabulous tour guide.” She spoke in a sarcastic tone. At least she’s not thrilled about this.

            Reaching my hand out I said to her, “I’m Warren, pleased to meet you.” She was very tiny, she was pale but looked like she was once kissed by the sun, maybe before all this, whatever it was, happened. Her hair was a beautiful black color that stopped just at her shoulders. Lydia’s eyes are the kind of blue that make you feel like you’re swimming in a clear ocean if you stare at them for too long. I can’t imagine something happening to her that would land her here.

            She took hold of my hand with her small, soft hand, “Nice to meet you Warren, I am the great and wonderful Lydia.”

            “Well, we should get started,” I turned to walk out of the doorway. Looking over my shoulder to make sure she was going to follow I stepped out into the hall, “So this is the ‘teens’ hall. This is everyone from the ages fourteen to nineteen. If follow me and down the hall we will come out into the ‘rec room’.” I looked at her to make sure she wasn’t lagging behind, “This is where you can find just about anyone you need here. There are t.v.’s, pool tables, couches and chairs, some vending machines, and then the door that goes out to the yard.”

            “Are we allowed to go out there?”

            “Yeah totally, you just have to stay clear of the fence, they freak out if you get to close to the fences because a couple years ago some kid tried to hop the fence.” I turned towards the other end of the room, “That’s the door that leads to all of the offices and whatnot,” she looked puzzled, “that’s where the psychiatrist offices are and stuff and that’s where we have group and stuff.” She’s probably in my group but I don’t think I really want to say anything, “If you’re doctor has the door closed there are pieces of paper and stuff so you can leave them a note saying who you are and why you’re wanting to talk to them. If the door is open you can just walk in there.”

            “Well that’s nifty. How do you know what doctor you have and what group you’re in?” She spoke in a soft tone.

            “In your room there should be a pile of papers on your bed, which will tell you everything.” I told her, contemplating if I should make the comment, and I guess it just kind of came out of my mouth, “You’re probably going to be in my group, which means we’ll have the same psychiatrist.”

            “Oh, cool thanks.” She suddenly got an awkward stance about her, like she didn’t know what to do next, “How do you know we’ll be in the same group?” She asked shyly, as if she was afraid I might know something about her that she doesn’t want me to.

            “Well, um,” I stuttered as I glanced down at her wrist that was wrapped up in an ACE bandage hiding what I presume to be stitches. We have a silent policy here between all of us, which is pretty much that we won’t point out anything unless that person has said something alluding to it, “I’m sorry.”

            She quickly pulled down her sleeves, “U-u-hm, so is that all?”

“Um, pretty much.” I said as I scanned the room. “Oh wait, that doorway over there, which goes to the cafeteria the papers in your room, will tell you when the cafeteria is open. Now that is all.”

            “Okay thanks.” She said as she started to turn to go back to her room. I didn’t want to just leave her awkward and alone because I know what it’s like to be alone here and something must have happened to her that got her sent here.

            “Hey wait!” I called after her, “Why don’t you hang out with us? I think they would love to meet you.”

            “Sure. Thanks.” She came back over towards me, “lead the way tour guide!” She laughed with the most intoxicating laugh I’ve ever heard, I couldn’t help but smile.

            I actually don’t know if my friends will like her. But I guess we’ll find out. As we got closer to them they noticed I was walking toward them. I’m sure there puzzled look was because of the girl walking next to me.


	3. Ben Bruce

~

Warren was walking up to us which was normal sometimes he wasn’t always with us. He likes to spend time alone I guess. We really don’t know what he does in his room but he just tells us to not worry about him. This time was different though, he had a girl with him, one that I have never seen before.

            “Hey guys. This is Lydia. She’s new here so be nice to her!” He said as they got close enough that I could see every feature of her face. “Lydia, this is Ben, he’s an asshole, don’t listen to anything he says.”

            “Hey now, I’m only an ass to you,” I interrupted. I had to protect myself, she was beautiful, I couldn’t have her not liking me. She smiled at me with the sweetest smile I’ve seen.

            Warren continued, “This is Ava and Eva, they are twins but Ava is the one with the piercings and the attitude. Then that’s Oscar, he’s my brother. Then there’s Elliot, she doesn’t talk much. I think I’ve only heard her say maybe four words since I met her. Then, last but not least, this is Stevie. She expresses herself through her hair.”

            “Hey guys,” she said as she waved to all of us.

            “You know it’s like hot outside right?” Ava said to Lydia.

            Lydia looked down and softly tugged on her sleeves to make sure they were securely pulled down, “Uh-h-hm yeah, I know.” She spoke softer now and lost the flare in her voice.

            “Well then wh-“ Ava started until I kicked her underneath the table. She looked down at her hands. “Sorry, it’s not any of my business.”

            Warren pulled up to chairs from the other table for him and Lydia, “Here you go, have a seat.”

            I pulled the chair over to me placing her next to my open side and gave Warren a smirk, “You’ve had enough time with the new girl, I want some time to talk to her.” I turned to look at her, “So darling, tell me about yourself?”

            “Well,” she started, “there’s really not much. I went to school over in Bullhead city. I haven’t had any friends since the fifth grade, and then I only had one friend. I spent most of my time on the computer honestly, I don’t really do much. My dad is never home, I’m pretty sure he’s cheating on my mom. My mother doesn’t like me; she thinks I’m too much to handle or whatever. I’m an only child, and I hate myself.” Her gaze kind of started to drift off as she went on, “Was that good enough or was there anything else you wanted to know?”

            “Um, no, that was fine.” I didn’t know what else to do.

            “Group meetings start in like 20 minutes guys.” Oscar told us, he is always telling us how much longer till something is.

            “Lydia I think you’re in our group we are the only one with a spot open and well,” I decided not to say it for fear of upsetting her, “Yeah, would you like to go there now so that you can get an idea of your surroundings and everything?”

            “Sure, are we all in the same group?”

            “Yeah that’s how we all met,” I stood up and reached out to help her up, “are you guys coming or are you going to wait until last minute like normal?”

            “Yeah we’re gonna wait a little longer.” Eva said waving us off.

            “Alright, well then, we are off.” Holding Lydia’s hand made everything feel okay. It didn’t feel like we were a bunch of sad teenagers stuck in a hospital. Plus she was beyond beautiful; I could stare into her eyes for days. She has those eyes that are easy to get lost in if you look into them for too long. Her voice was sweet and smooth like honey and her hair sleek and black like the nights here. “So in group we just kind of talk about our feelings and stuff you know, and if you want to say something all you have to do is wait for a silent moment and talk. If there’s too much talking going on all you have to do is raise your hand and Doctor Cassells will quiet everyone down for you.”

            “What is Doctor Cassells like?” She actually seemed really concerned.

            “He’s really nice. He does like to push you to come to terms with stuff in your life though.”

            “Like what do you mean?”

            “He likes to talk about why you’re here and what could have prevented you from coming here and he likes to connect events in your life to each other.” I opened the door to the room our group was in. Doctor Cassells was already here writing things on the white board. “Hey Cassells, this is the new girl Lydia.”

            “Nice to meet you Lydia,” He extended his hand to her, “I’m very glad to have you in this group.”

            Grabbing his hand she said in a soft tone, “Nice to meet you also.”

            “Where would you like to sit?” I asked her.

            “Uhm,” she scanned the room, “Does it like matter?”

            “Nope, we all normally sit over here at this end and then there are a few other kids that sit over here.” I motioned to the sections of the table I was referring to.

            “Well, we can just sit where you normally do.”

            “Alright sounds good.” I pulled out a chair for her, “Oh word of advice, Alerion, She sits in the first chair normally, she tries to make you feel bad for everything you say. Don’t listen to her; we’re all pretty sure she’s only here because she tried to kill herself for attention.”

            “Oh,” her eyes got big, “Thanks for letting me know.”

            “No problem,” I reached over to grab her hand, “If you nervous about group meetings it’s okay, you only have to talk a minimum of two times and if anything makes you uncomfortable just shake your head saying that you don’t wanna answer or anything.”

            She looked down at our hands, our fingers intertwined together, “Okay, I’ll make sure I remember that.”

 

            I gave her hand a squeeze and let go as people started coming in.


	4. Doctor Cassells

~

“Okay, so today we have a new girl joining us. Her name is Lydia, if you see her be nice and friendly to her okay.” I said as I motioned toward her. “Okay, so let’s all go around and introduce ourselves and talk about why we’re here.”

            “My name is Aerilon; I’m here because I tried to kill myself three years ago.”

            “I’m James; I’m here because my mom shipped me here. She couldn’t deal with my self harm.”

            “I’m Danny; I’m here because I tried to stave myself to death.”

            “I’m Ava; I think this is stupid.”

            “I’m Eva; I have an eating disorder.”

            “I’m Warren; I have depression.”

            “I’m Oscar; I also have depression.”

            “I’m Elliot; I hate life.”

            “I’m Stevie; I hate this.”

            “I’m Ben; I tried to kill myself fifty-four times.”

            “I’m Lydia; um, I guess I tried to kill myself.”

            “Awesome! Okay, thank you all for sharing. This is a safe place to talk about anything.” I looked around the room; they always have very expressionless looks on their faces. “So, Lydia, we don’t know you. Tell us about yourself.”

            Lydia scanned the room, she looked nervous, “We’ll, my parents sent me here because they ‘can’t handle me’ or whatever. I hate life and I tried to kill myself.”

            “Alright, well, welcome Lydia. I hope you learn something from our group meetings.” She looked nervous as I spoke to her. I looked around the room and the patients all seemed lifeless and expressionless, “What do you guys think the meaning of death is?” That perked many of them up, you bring up death to these kids and they won’t stop talking.

            “Death is ridding the world of what isn’t needed anymore.” Ben spoke up, “If something that was once worth it becomes worthless you toss it out, discard it. It’s like how when the batters of something die, they were once worth something because they provided power but now that their dead they are nothing, they are worthless, so we throw them out. We take the existence of those batteries and terminated it from the world.” He looked up at me to make sure I was actually taking in consideration what he was saying, “It’s the same for people, like me for instance, I was once worth something, I was worth entertainment. Then two members from my band died, and then I was worthless. There was no point to my talent. So natural selection takes place and kills off the worthless. The world doesn’t need me anymore so death is the best way of getting rid of me.”

I’m not sure if he was talking today because he was trying to get attention from Lydia or if he actually meant it but this was a great start, “Okay, but what if what you think is worthless is another man’s treasure?” His eyes got wide as he starred at me from across the table, “What if those batteries you throw out because they are dead are something that another man on this earth could still use? Say an artist or something needed them for a project, now they aren’t worthless anymore they are still worth something. What do you do then?”

            “Well, I’m sure I’m no one else’s treasure, why am I not dead yet? I’m worthless to everyone else including myself.” Ben was starting to realize what I was saying.

            “Maybe someone in this room still treasures you, maybe someone you haven’t even met yet treasures you and believes you are worthwhile.”

            “No one is going to think that because I am shit. I am worthless and I deserve to die!” He was starting to get angered.

            Uncontrollably a smirk was plastered on my face, “What if Lydia thinks you are worthwhile? Maybe you are her treasure. You just don’t know it yet.” Boy do I wish I kept that in my head, “The way you two look at each other and you’ve just met, that shows that you are still worth something to at least one person.”

            Everyone was looking at Lydia. Ben was trying not to notice it, and then James spoke up, “I think even if you are a treasure to someone it won’t last very long. People always leave after a while.”

            “If they are leaving then they are not the right person and there is still someone who thinks you are worth their time.” Elliot spoke in a quiet but heard tone. She never really talked much but when she did she always spoke positively.

            “Elliot makes a very good point.” I motioned toward Ben and James to make sure they understand what she was saying. The rest of the kids never really talk much, it’s always the same people that contribute to the conversation. “I think you all have this idea and meaning of death that you’ve all created to make yourselves feel better about it, to make it less scary to a point.” I glanced at the clock. “Well, that’s it for today’s meeting. Please think about what we talked about today. I will see you all next time. Have a good day.” As everyone shuffled out I caught Lydia’s eye, “Hey Lydia, can you come to my office. It’s right across the hall here.”

            “Yeah sure,” she smiled then turned back to Ben.

            “I’ll just meet you in the cafeteria when you’re done. I’ll grab you some food before all the good stuff is taken.”

            “Okay thanks.” She waved and then went into my office.

            “So Lydia, since I haven’t gotten the chance to get to know you I’d like to take this time to talk a little if that’s alright.” She nodded and I continued, “So, you recently tried to commit suicide is that right?”

            “Uhm, yeah, last week.” She replied.

            “Do you have any specific reason as to why you did it?”

            “Well, I hate just about everything. I haven’t had a friend since the fifth grade and that kind of caused a lot of bullying at school and outside of school, my parents are never there for me, I don’t really have much of anything except material things ya’ know? And I’m the type of person who doesn’t really get happy with just material things. I like to have love and affection and interact with other people who actually like me.”

            “I see,” I’m really not sure on how to talk to her about this, “Why don’t you have any friends?”

            “Uhm, well the friend that I had, she left me the summer before sixth grade, because she was getting into a lot of stuff that I was not okay with and I wouldn’t do it with her.” You could see in her eyes that she once cared but has suppressed those feelings long ago.

            “Okay, and then why didn’t you make any friends after that?”

            Lydia’s eyes were starting to look sad as she relieved those times in her mind, “Well, you see, she was very popular and our school wasn’t that large. If I could have made new friends I would have, but it was hard. She was friends with everyone by the time school started again after that summer. I suppose she told everyone that I was a ‘pure’ child at the time and wasn’t doing what everyone else was.  In a small school like that if you don’t do the same things as everyone else then you’re the outcast. Which I was, even the other kids that would have been considered outcasts didn’t look my way. Then high school came around and it got worse. She was already popular at the high school because of her brother and sister so people already knew her. They went along with her thoughts about me then also. No one ever talked to me. I always sat at home on Friday nights while everyone else was out with their friends going out to eat and going bowling. I did make friends online, that’s what I resorted to. They were nicer to me because they didn’t know what everyone else thought about me.” She started to trail off, you could hear the sorrow in her voice as she spoke.

            “And then what happened after that?”

            “After my first year of high school that’s when it got bad, I had actually started doing all those bad things everyone else was doing but it still didn’t get me any friends, I didn’t think it would. I had started hurting myself, smoking and drinking to make the pain go away, I even stopped eating because I was under the impression that I wasn’t thin enough for anyone to like.”

            “How long did that go on?” I asked, I could tell she didn’t want to talk about this anymore but this was a good start.

            “Up until now I guess.” Lydia was distant now.

            “Okay, well, that was a good start. Now we can work through these problems together. I will see you again next week okay?” I motioned for her to walk with me to the doorway, “Have a good day.” I called as she walked down the hallway.  


	5. Lydia

~

I’ve never talked about that out loud before. I’ve typed it out, but never spoke it before. It was weird and I was trying so hard to fit back tears. It’s even harder to fight them back now as I’m walking into the rec room. I quickly scan the room for Ben, I need a distraction, and I need someone to take my mind off of all of this.

            “Lydia!” I heard someone call, it was Warren, “Over here.” He was waving his arm trying to get my attention.

            As I made my way over towards the door someone stepped in front of me, I didn’t know who it was and I could hardly tell because my eyes were blurry from the tears welling up in my eyes, “So, new girl.” It must have been one of Aerilon’s friends, “I heard you and Ben are just a match made in heaven.”

            Given my history of bullying I had mastered the art of ignoring and not making eye contact, I looked past her, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

            She gave me a shove and then pulled me close to her face and whispered, “You know damn well what I’m talking about.” She let go of me, “Stay away from him, he’s Aerilon’s.” Then she left, shoulder checking me as she walked by.

            I looked toward Warren and Ben, and then I felt the tears starting to be released from my eyes. They looked at me; I gave them a little smile and mouthed ‘sorry’, and started to quickly walk toward my room. I heard them call after me but I felt it best to keep walking. Trying to fight back tears as I raced to my room I pray that no one says anything.

            “Hey, Lydia,” Ben grabbed my arm and turned me around.

            He grabbed where my stitches were, wincing I pulled away, “What?” Oh, no, the tears were going to come soon.

            “What happened?”

            The tears welling up in my eyes were now dancing along the waterlines of my eyes, “Nothing happened. I just want to go to my room.” I turned and started walking; I’m only two doors away. Surprisingly he didn’t stop me. I thought he had left, but he was just following me. The opposite sex were allowed in our rooms as long as we kept the door open and it wasn’t after we all had to go to our rooms at night.

            Ben sat down on the corner of my bed as he spoke, “I know something is wrong, I can tell you’re about to cry.” He grabbed my hand trying to coax me to talk.

            I had to look away, I was started cry and I didn’t want him to see me, “I’m fine.”

            “No you aren’t Lydia,” He gently grabbed my face and turned me to face him, wiping away my tears, “you’re crying. You are not fine. Please, talk to me, I am here for you.”

            Oh God, He was really one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. He looked sad, his big brown eyes starred up at me like a sad puppy. I couldn’t talk, no words would come out. So Ben just wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close against his chest. Resting my head on his shoulder I could hear the soft beating of his heart and the rhythm of his breath. I had never felt more at home.

            I sat there wrapped up in him crying for about forty minutes. “I’m sorry.” I finally said as I wiped my face free of the salty tears.

            “No, don’t be sorry. There is no reason to be. I’m glad you did this instead of something else.” He spoke in a sweet, soft tone, like he was trying to soothe a crying child. Which, I guess I was.

            “Okay, are you sure?” I questioned, “I feel bad.”

            “I am positive.” He gave me a tight squeeze, “Would you like to go get some food?”

            “Um, yeah, that sounds great right now.” I fixed my hair and wiped my eyes once more.

            “Alright,” he stood up and grabbed my hand, “let us go.” He led me to the cafeteria. My hand in his felt right, like it was meant to be there. Like Ben’s hand was made just for mine to be put into. 

            “Hey Ben, Lydia! Over here!” Warren called as he waved his arm trying to get our attention.

            Ben put up a finger to signal that we would be there in a moment and pulled me to the counter filled with food. “What would you like?” He asked as he grabbed a tray.

            “Um, that mac and cheese looks good, and a bottle of water.” He grabbed my food and then he grabbed a bowl of fruit for himself. Soon we were making our way to the table everyone was at. Warren was sitting on the end next to Oscar and Elliot. Eva and Ava were sitting opposite of the empty seats and Stevie was sitting on the end opposite of Warren. Ben pulled out my chair and I sat as he pushed it closer to the table for me then he took his seat.

            “So, how do you like it here so far?” Eva asked as I took a spoon full of my mac and cheese and brought it up to my mouth.

            I looked up, finishing my chewing and swallowing my room, “Um, it’s alright. I mean you guys are the only ones that have talked to me. But I mean I don’t care.”

            Ava looked up and let out a loud but short laugh, “That’s not what I heard.” She had a very smug look on her face.

She was like a lioness and I a zebra, Ava looked as if she was about to pounce and I needed to run away fast. But where too, I had nowhere to go, she could find me anywhere I went. I must have had a frightened look on my face because Ben grabbed my hand from my lap. Finally I looked up at her, “I don’t understand.” I said softly.

“Well, I heard that Sam totally called you out about getting’ all wet over Ben here and you ran away crying like a little baby.” She smirked, “I would count that as someone besides us talking to you, wouldn’t you?”

She’s worse than any bully I’ve ever faced; I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have an escape plan. I can feel my face starting to get cherry red. I was about to have a panic attack. Quickly I let go of Ben’s hand without looking up and I just got up and walked away. I didn’t know where to go, I went to the counter with all the food and I grabbed some fruit and a bottle of apple juice and just kept walking past the room. 


	6. Ben

~

                I wanted to run after Lydia but I also wanted to beat the shit out of Ava. I know I can’t really beat the shit out of her because she’s a girl and I was raised to not hit a girl but still the anger was welling up inside of me. She was just sitting there laughing as Lydia walked away hurt and crying, who knew what she was going to do. Ava is just sitting there laughing! She has no remorse what so ever for what she has done. My hands were balled up into fists and I felt my breath get short. I could hear what everyone around me was saying but I couldn’t make out what it was. “What the fuck is wrong with you Ava!?” I yelled.

            The whole table was silent as Ava starred at me, “What do you mean?” She asked, “I was just joking around with her. It’s not my fault she took it too seriously.” The corners of her mouth turned up into a smile.

            “Do you even know why she is here?” I asked, the anger starting to engulf every part of my body.

            “Well, I assume she started hurting herself for attention because no one liked her. Just like every other basket case girl here.”

            “No!” I was getting angrier, “You are such an ignorant bitch! She’s here because she tried to kill herself because of stupid bitches like you that have nothing better to do so you pick on anyone you feel threatened by.” I couldn’t hold it in anymore, her smile was starting to fade, “You’re just mad because I like her and not you!”

            Ava was starring straight up at me; she stood up, “If you don’t like me then why are you still here?”

            “Because Ava, not everything revolves around you there are other people here other than you.” I was yelling now, everyone was starting to stare at me, “You are a selfish little bitch and I can’t stand it anymore. If you talk to her like that ever again I swear there will be consequences.” I left; I don’t even want to hear her response. I had to find Lydia; I didn’t know what she was going to do. I know that when you’re desperate you can find anything to hurt yourself with.

            I ran up and down every hall trying to find her, she wasn’t in her room, she was in the rec room, and the only place left to look was outside. Standing by the door to the back field I scanned the area I could see, but there was no sign of her. Walking outside there was a rush of hot humid air. I don’t understand how anyone can handle being outside here. I walked around the building to the side that you cannot see from the door. I noticed someone sitting on the ground close to the fence, it was Lydia. She was bent over with her knees pulled up to her chest. Slowly I walked over to her, I could hear her crying. “Hey Lydia,” I spoke softly not to startle her, “are you okay?”

            She shifted awkwardly, but not turning to face me, “I’m so sorry.”

            “What are you sorry for? It’s Ava’s fault she’s just a jealous bitch.”

            “No, I’m sorry for what I’ve done,” her voice quivered as she spoke, she was holding back tears, “people come here to get better and I’m probably just going to get worse I mean, I’ve been here for like a day and I’ve already screwed up.” She started sobbing now, repeating ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again.

            I sat down next to her and pulled her close to me, “No, no sweetie, don’t be sorry! It’s okay, it’s okay, I promise.” I didn’t want to glance down at her arm so I just looked toward the building, “I will help you through everything, okay? I promise I will.”

            We sat there for awhile, my shirt was damp with her tears by the time she was done crying. Kissing her forehead I pulled her away from me so I could see her face. “Now, we need to fix you up without them knowing.”

            “How are we going to do that?”

            “Well, pull your sleeves down and we can go to my room, I have some stuff that will fix that right up.” We walked to my room and I helped her get cleaned up. Wrapping an ace wrap around her arm I asked, “That doesn’t hurt or anything does it?”

            “Not really, no.” She replied quietly, “I’m sorry.”

            “Don’t be sorry!”

            “I just don’t want you to have to take care of me.” She was about to cry again.

            “Hey! Hey! It’s okay!” I brushed my hand along the side of her face. “Do you want to just stay here or do you want to go back to lunch?”

            “I’m really not hungry anymore. Can we just stay here for a little?”

            “Yeah, that’s totally fine!” And then we just sat there for the rest of the day.


End file.
